Guess Who's Coming To Dinner!

Just typing that above topic made me remember the song ‘guess who’s coming to dinner/Carolina’. Where the hell is that doctor musician self? Wetin be im name again? Charley Boy cousin.

Anyway, that’s not my gist today o. What I meant to ask was ‘guess who’s moving to Rock City? Another blogger of course! Yes o. It’s no other blogger, but the sweet 'Flourishing Florida'. And she is going to be my neighbour too. What can beat that? Absolutely nothing. Especially now that I have learnt how to eat pounded yam and 'Florida' is from the East and Pounded yam is their food, so my belle go open more.

Day she came to my office, I sighted her a distance away and just knew she was the one from her yahoo messenger avatar. What I wasn’t expecting was her hair. That avatar fooled me into thinking she was on braids. Na locks o! Now I wan lock my hair too.

Apart from 'Florida', Fashola is also moving to Rock City Abeokuta. Can you believe that? I refused to believe it. I still can’t believe it actually, but it’s a fact o! Action Congress Gov. Fashola from Lasgidi aka Lagos, is coming to People’s Democratic Party Gov. Gbenga Daniels’ Ogun State. And he arrived two days ago.

I stepped outside the office and saw massive demolition of illegal shops built on roads going on. Open mouthed I asked what was going on, and people say Fashola don come Abeokuta. Seriously. It seems that Gbenga Daniels has decided that there is no harm done in emulating such an outstanding man as my main man (Gov. Fashola) in bringing order into the state, as long as it’s for a main cause, rival party or not, Fashola’s ways are worth copying.

That doesn’t mean Gbenga Daniels has won me over o! Im no fit and im no fit even try sef, considering 2011 is just around the corner. At least he can save face and do what he can now.

Anyway, I always believe Nigeria will rise and people will be clamouring to come here from all around the world. I hold on to that believe and by God’s Grace, I will live to witness the transformation.

So, Me Myself and I are planning a welcoming party and menu for the newcomer 'Florida' and her hubby this weekend. If you want an invite, just holla.... ve a nice weekend y’all.... and God grant 'Florida' and hubby journey mercies in Jesus name.

ROCK CITY MEMOIRS - ONE

Jill Uzezi Scott

Once upon a time, I blogged about moving out of Lagos to the rock city, Abeokuta because of work. I also said then that I was fed up with this blog. Doll gave me a very nice suggestion to rename aroundlagos, aroundnigeria, so aroundnaija it is, and it took me this long to rename it, because I thought I was deleting the blog, but my finger was scared of hitting the key.

So I have finally moved out of Lagos. But I am still a Lagos girl to the core. Weekdays Rock City, weekends, Eko city.

I don’t miss Lagos yet. Too much work that is keeping me busy and trying to settle down is like brining back yesterday.

Woke up this morning like Jill Scott, with a smile on my face. Jumped out of bed, took a shower... oops Jill Scott, pause...... water stopped flowing, went next door to get water and 30 seconds after opening the tap, it stopped, so my landlord gave me a bucket.

Press play Jill Scott...

Dressed, cleaned up my place.... pause the music again please.... cleaned up my place before taking a shower. Why should Jill Scott shower before cleaning up her place? Okay play... made me some breakfast, toast, two scrambled eggs (it was actually bread and butter and water, like last night). Grace.... okay I forgot to bless the meal. Forgive me Lord.

.... grabbed my keys, grabbed my purse (back pack), grabbed my jacket ( I no carry jacket o) off to work, beaming all the way. Is it the way you love me baby.....

And this beautiful ‘Is it the way you love me baby’ song by Jill Scott ended for me just as I stepped into the office. The whole place was flooded. Most of the furniture newly acquired, soaked. Can you believe that? If I catch that plumber, he will vomit the cash I paid for the connection. After a bit of cleaning, the place was just like an artist’s studio; scattered. Carpenter at one end throwing sawdust wherever, electrician there doing his bit, painter here asking for petrol to mix paint or money to borrow ladder, people recommending people for me to employ as if I am the boss. Christ! I couldn’t even sit down. So I went about my main job of the day which thankfully was outside the office, and continued saying my top sentence of the day ‘sorry, I don’t speak Yoruba’.

At the end of the day, picked up my gas from the refill station, market, home, continued the cleaning that will last till this place looks like home to me. And yes, I decided not to cook (for this alone, I can stay here, nobody to cry for food forcing me into the kitchen). If I get hungry, that is why the provisions are there. Early tomorrow, I will cook, and put it in a cooler and carry to work. Tantalizers will not eat my money, nor Mama Cass, Nor Mr. Biggs. They are all near my office. While should I even go to any of them when Iya Sunday, the most popular buka in Abeokuta is just down the road from me. Just the smoke from under the big pit of assorted meat makes your mouth water.

Set up o, they know I like food alot. But I am determined. That is why I have a big cooler.

Small Devil, Saviour In Disguise

I have heard people refer to the city of Lagos by all sort of names, but it remains a city that is after my heart. Maybe I feel so attached to Lagos because I was born and bred here and my family is here, and most of my worse and best memories are attached to Lagos.

Or maybe it’s Lagos for me because I haven’t travelled far and wide enough to compare the Lagos lifestyle with that of other places.

I do know that if you can exist and survive and succeed in this no man’s land, you will succeed in other places that are considered tough.

This Lagos brings out the strength most people never knew they had. It brings out creativity and has made names out of people whom given their backgrounds, wouldn’t have had such opportunity.

There was a time I sat chatting with a friend. We were discussing the Niger Delta issue. And a question was asked. What if, with all the problems in the Niger Delta, a war breaks out, and the Niger Delta becomes a country of its own, and all over Nigeria, the government decides to deport every indigene of the Niger Delta back home, what would you do?

Very rubbish question really, because I will still be a citizen of Nigeria since I was born in Lagos, and I won’t leave my Lagos. If it even comes to it, I will marry a Nigerian so I can have my Lagos. That should keep my romance with Lagos alive.
Anyway, my recent trip down to Benin City, Edo state, had me wondering. We entered the state when the heavens opened on us, and the flood immediately after Uniben (University of Benin) reminded me of My Book of Bible Stories and the pictures of Noah and the ark and the flood.

I was busy taking pictures, and someone asked me what I needed the pictures for. I said for my blog, that people have to really see that Edo state had no governor for 8 years, and months into its 2nd year, the new government’s hand is yet to be seen.
Someone said good idea. But another begged me not to blog the pictures.

“I’m not saying it because I’m from Edo state, but once those pictures go up, and the foreign media discovers it, it helps the report of their negative news about Nigeria. Many great things happen in our country that are hardly reported in the foreign press, but once they smell something dirty, they jump on it. We shouldn’t with our own hands, help them to destroy the reputation of our country. Yes the government in Edo needs to sit up, but let’s use other means and not spread our dirty laundry in public for the world to see. They hardly show us theirs.”

I admitted she had a point, and it got me thinking about Lagos and all the bad things that are said about my city.

There are wonderful stories about Lagos too, you know. A city of opportunities; a city in itself that does not discriminate to offer you employment. In this city you find people make money from shit business, from carrying load for shoppers in open market, from running after vehicles as they sell their wares, from sweeping the express roads, from roasting corn and yam and plantain etc. It goes on and on and with businesses people never imagined they would do, they feed themselves and their families and train their children up to university level. So please, can someone just give Lagos a breathing space? After all, the crimes make us tough for surviving and the lifestyle makes us determined and resilient. In all of it, we discover talents.

I’m not saying the crime is good, but is there a place there really is no crime? Prayers will help us. More job opportunities will help us. This is the only city that has more immigrants than other Nigerian states very year.

So let’s stop beefing the city and do something. Anything we encounter that is not working well or that is not done well, is a business opportunity and an avenue to make money and create jobs. So let’s join hands and stop cursing Uzezi’s home.

OKADA

I hate okada to the core, but my outing is never complete if I don’t board one in a day.

In a place like Lagos, just how am I supposed to get by without the popular motor bike called ‘okada’?

It eases the hours of sitting in traffic. And saves you from getting to an appointment, late.
I hate Okada to the core, but I adore a power bike. Even when it roars pass me on Third Mainland Bridge, and I jump and wow all over in excitement, but I wouldn’t be a passenger on it, although I’m aspiring to own one.

Many motorists despise the sight of Okadas and their riders, because they cause too much havoc on the way. Majority of them are reckless riders, believing the roads are theirs alone. They never obey traffic lights. Ask them, and they will ask you if pedestrians obey it. They jump in front of speeding vehicles without care for their passengers, because they hold the remote control to stop the vehicle from crashing them down.

An Okada accident is the worse anyone can have. Have none. But if you must be involved in an accident, may it not be an Okada accident. The riders hardly come out alive. The passengers suffer much, if they don’t lose their lives.

I honestly really hate Okadas. I lost a phone to an Okada guy and his passenger once, and a woman standing by my side once had her bag flung away by an Okada guy. Okada robbers are now very popular in Lagos. Even during the day, they rob believing once they speed off, they can’t be caught, because they can enter any corner. There have been stories of Okada riders who rape female passengers at night. They carry them off, stop at a dark place where no one is, pretend something is wrong with the Okada and rob her, or rape her. Once your Okada stop along the road and he starts looking at the tyres, remove your heels and start running and screaming. Time ago, I ran but I didn’t scream. Luckily another Okada was passing and I stopped him, hoping God will save me and he was a sincere trades man.

I know I am just rambling on here oh, but I am posting just to advice Lagosians, and those coming into the state that formerly wouldn’t say ‘Welcome To Lagos’ at the Toll gate, but ‘This Is Lagos’.

Before you board an Okada, make very sure he isn’t speed hungry. From the way he rode, before stopping by you, you should know. Make sure he is not an aboki rider.

Please, I have nothing against Okada riders that are Hausa, it’s just that, the majority of them are crazy. They enter the tiniest spaces between two vehicles, and compete with trailers and tankers. They hardly know where you are going to because they hardly understand the English you use in describing where you are headed, and unless you know the place, they will lose you.

If you must board an Okada by an aboki, make sure he is a rider at your bus stop, someone you have known over a period of time, and can yell at him should he attempt rough riding. And once you discover a cool aboki rider, make him a customer. Even when you have no money, he will carry you. And when you have, always make him happy.

Again, never travel on an Okada along the express roads in Lagos. Please. Just two days ago, going to church, my friend and I saw a bad accident at the toll gate. Okada’s shouldn’t ply the express. If you must use an Okada, then know all the back roads that will avoid fast cars. The express is so smooth and wide and the Okada likes to test his head.

I don talk my own. If you know anymore advice concerning Okadas, speak out.

Stolen Phones

I love beautiful things. I also love beautiful handsets. But just the other day, I realized that I have never actually decided to change my handset, just for changing sake. I have only appeared with a new set, only after losing the previous ones, to the real owners in Lagos. Get my gist.

The first phone I lost, was in Ikeja, very close to my office. I had attended the 25th anniversary of PMAN with my editor and another colleague, at Expo Centre. The show closed really late – early hours of the morning, and there was no way I was going home, so we returned to the office and crashed.

The next day, Saturday, was sanitation day, so I woke early like other workers in the office and tried to make it to my uncle’s place before 7.

At 5 past 6, I left the office and was working down the close to the bus stop. A bike came out from an intersection with a passenger, approaching the same bus stop.

The bike stopped and the passenger alighted. I thought he was paying off the bike when I crossed the road to be on their side. I walked past the bike man. Just as I was about to get past the passenger, he faced me.

“Your phone or I will shoot you!”
I jumped. It took a while to register because, one, I just woke up, two, I never expected such to happen in a place like that. I was already pleading, moving backwards. Then he hissed, making to withdraw his hand from his pocket.

I quickly uprooted my phone from my pocket and gave him, but begged for my sim. Every single contact is valuable to a journalist.

He gave me my sim and barked at me to go back. I retreated as he jumped on the bike and they were gone.

Later, so many people were like, “why didn’t you scream when you knew people were on the other side of the road waiting for the bus?”

Others were like, there was no gun. They were opportunists who saw a lone girl very early in the morning and you blessed them.

Others were, “don’t worry. Be glad it was just your phone. There was no way you would have known if they had a gun a not. Had you screamed, they would have armed you, speed away on their bike, and besides, how many people in Lagos, run to a trouble scene to help? They will run away.”

You are right.

I was glad it just the phone. Had they snatched my bag, I would have lost my digital camera, my midget recorder and some huge cash I had on me.

After that incident, I have lost two more phones to the real owners. And the last surprised me so much. I wasn’t harassed. I was going to interview a local chief, got to the location, tried to phone him and discovered I had no phone. Maybe a pick pocket at Ojota. Or maybe the girl in the bus who kept telling me to shift.

And whenever I buy a new phone, people around me make jest of me, saying I have bought another one for the real owners.

But you see, my present handset is a survival. It just dawn on me I have had it for almost a year! Can you believe it? So before its one year anniversary, I am so going to buy a new one. For the first time in my life, I will buy a new phone, while I still have one. Isn’t that nice?

Almost A Victim

I was on my way to Satellite Town from Opebi one fateful Saturday afternoon.
Decided to go through the airport to avoid traffic and almost put myself straight into the hands of the 19 guys.

At Hadji camp, where I’d get a bus to Mile 2, I saw the one stopping at Festac side, and I got in front. The driver is an old guy, his conductor was out calling for passengers.

Suddenly, two guys entered the back and immediately wanted to drop, but the driver stopped them. They said they had to carry their boxes from Ajao estate that they were going to Ojo, if the bus would take them all the way. The driver said it will cost them 7k. I almost opened my mouth to say ‘what?’ They bargained for 3k and he agreed to follow them to Ajao estate for their boxes. I looked at the driver, who looked at me and he told the men he has a passenger. And can you believe it, one of them said, ‘ehn, she is going to Mile 2 abi, no problem, since we are hiring you, don’t take money from her. We will drop her at Mile 2.’

I flew out of the bus in time and it drove away with only those guys and the conductor. Passengers, no longer wanted.

Can you imagine? They think I know anyone who has lots of gold and jewels and wrappers?
Once beaten, twice shy. For Lagos, shine your eye.

Happy New Year

Hopefully, this year Lagos will be different. There will be lesser stories of one chance, of okada robbery, of phone snatchings, of 419ers, of unemployment, of accidents etc. This year, by His grace, there will be more stories of success and happy endings, and by His Grace, we will be a testimony to good things that 2008 will bring. Mine has started. Hope yours has, also.